


Falling Apart So Damn Fast

by Mossballman



Category: DreamSMP DSMP
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, My First Work in This Fandom, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhappy Ending, first fic ever be nice or dont idc, im just venting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:00:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29325093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossballman/pseuds/Mossballman
Summary: Alternative Universe: Not streamersDream's therapist calls the police on him and checks him into the emergency room citing concern. From there he is sent out of state and faced with some of the most stressful situations of his life; one of which being catching feelings for someone he has only known for a week.THIS DOESN'T END HAPPILYI'M JUST VENTING AT THIS POINT BC I HATE THE MENTAL HOSPITAL.TW: Mental hospitals, suicidal thoughts, s/h mentioned but not graphically described, intrusive thoughts, mental health issues, hospitals, panic attacks, anxiety, body issues... the whole freaking bagPLEASE BE AWARE OF WHAT YOUR TRIGGERS ARE AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF <3
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Thanks Jessie

CHAPTER 1  
... Dream is typing ...  
Dream- I don’t know how to say this  
\- I know you’re on vacation right now  
\- I don’t know if I’m going to make it to our next meeting  
\- things have gotten bad, worse... i dont know  
Read 4:05 PM  
... Jessie is typing...  
Jessie- Dream, I’m so glad you reached out and I really am concerned about you.  
Read 4:13 PM  
... Jessie is typing...  
Jessie- as your therapist I by law have to call authorities though, as you have a history of suicidality.  
Read 4:14 PM  
... Dream is typing...  
Dream- wait  
\- what  
\- what do you mean  
... Dream is typing...  
... Jessie is typing...  
Jessie- I’m sorry Dream, I have to make sure that you stay safe though and you knew that this was a possibility from the start. I called the hospital, there will be a police officer arriving shortly to take you to the ER.  
\- you need to pack a few changes of comfortable clothes and your toiletries.  
Read 4:24 PM  
... Dream is typing...  
Dream- WHAT THE FUCK  
\- THE FUCKING POLICE?

Dream threw his phone on his bed, not bothering to check as it buzzed, once, twice, then started ringing. He knew that Jessie had to call someone. She had told him when they had first started meeting last year.  
*“Everything that is relayed to me stays confidential, Dream, okay? The only exception to that is when I become convinced that you may be a danger to others or to yourself. In that case I really have no other choice than to call 911 on you, because at that point it’s fully out of my hands”*  
He stood jerkily, shaking his head. This couldn’t be happening. Not today. He had work tomorrow, a meeting with his boss to discuss a pay raise. Then dinner with his Mom to talk with her about helping her move. He couldn’t go to the hospital. He knew what happened in the ER when you were suicidal. They locked you up, sent you away. This couldn’t be happening.  
His phone stopped buzzing and he picked it up from his tangled bedsheets, tapping it to check the time. 4:31. *Shit.* Anxiously he grabbed some questionably clean clothes from his floor and shoved them in a cloth grocery bag. His hands were shaking, as he shoved his toothbrush and toothpaste into the bag, not even bothering to check if the toothpaste was closed. *I can’t fucking do this. The neighbors are going to see them take me away. What am I going to tell my Mom? What am I going to tell my boss? FUCK!* He ran his trembling hands through his hair and stared into the mirror above his sink.* I look like shit. God what kind of fucking adult can’t even shower? I’m so fucking disgusting.* He laughed bitterly as his reflection stared back at him through haunted empty eyes. His hair stuck up where he ran his hand through it, and his 5 o’clock shadow was more of a scruffy, unkempt beard. *Fuck.*  
His vision blurred and he looked away from the mirror, refusing to acknowledge the fact he was crying. He stumbled up the few stairs from the bathroom to his bedroom, looking around. *What if they don’t let me come back?* Then his eyes landed on Patched, laying sound asleep on her bed, oblivious to any emotional distress. *FUCK! I CAN’T LEAVE HER! WHO’S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HER?!* He pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and opened Snapchat, hoping his neighbor was awake.

... Dream is typing...  
Dream- Hey Snapnap,,, would you mind watching Patches... for... a time?  
\- I have to go,,, away and didn’t have time to set up other arrangements for her. I’m so sorry for the short notice  
Read 4:46 (Thank god)  
...Snapnap is typing...  
Snapnap- yeah, ofc,, r u ok? Is all her stuff still in the same spot?  
\- starting tonite?  
... Dream is typing...  
Dream- yeah, all her stuff is in the same spot, and yeah, tonight  
(he doesn’t really need to know what's going on, I don’t want to burden him with this shit)  
... Snapnap is typing...  
Snapnap- kay  
Read 4:49

A loud knocking on his door made Dream jump and he scrambled up, starting to hyperventilate as the weight of his situation truly hit him. He rushed a goodbye to Patches, feeling tears slip down his cheeks as she sleepily meowed in protest at his quick kiss on the head. The knocking had gotten louder and more violent and Dream ran to the door, not wanting them to cause a scene. He unlocked his door and shakily opened it, greeted with the emotionless faces of two uniformed officers.  
“We got a call concerning the safety of a Mr. Dream NotFound… are you him?”  
He felt the tears drip faster down his face “Yeah, that’s- that’s me, can I get my shoes on quickly?” Their faces were shifting quickly towards disagreement “Please, you can follow me to my shoes and make sure everything is fine, I just don’t want to walk in the snow in my socks.”  
The officers looked reluctant to agree but followed him down his hallway, leaving the door to his apartment wide open.  
“Thank you”  
Dream was hyperventilating fully now, his breath shallow and shaky. His vision began to blur as he shoved feet into his shoes and let the officers lead him out of his complex. He was suddenly in the back of the car, his bag thank god I grabbed my bag sitting on the floor next to him. He tried to reach down and grab it, finding his hands were firmly cuffed.  
“W- Why am I in handcuffs?” Dream puffed out, still low on oxygen.  
“It’s just a precaution, unfortunately anyone who rides in the car has to be handcuffed.” the driver said, sounding bored and even a little annoyed.  
*Of course he would be annoyed. He has to waste his time babysitting a suicidal 21 year old. Fucking worthless piece of shit. You would’ve saved everyone some time if you had just not told Jessie. You could’ve just fucking offed yourself. Everything was ready. If only you hadn’t pussied out.* His thoughts were merciless, echoing in his skull. Without his phone he had no idea how much time had passed and in his oxygen starved haze, time seemed not to exist. *This feels like a dream,, heh a dream.* The officers came to a stop and cold air blasted onto his tearstained face as they opened the door and led him into the waiting bay of the emergency room. One, the previous passenger stood with him silently as the other checked him in, it being obvious through the cloud his head was in that his therapist must have called before hand and let them know he would be coming. *Fuck. I’m not fucking ready for this.*


	2. Emergency Room

The ER was near silent and Dream couldn’t stand it, his breathing sounded like it was being shouted through a megaphone and somewhere in the room behind him there was a quietly crying teenager. The officer next to him still hadn’t said a word or even made eye contact. *You useless piece of shit. He isn’t here to make you feel better. He literally wouldn’t have known if you had died in the first place.* His thoughts grabbed on to the silence and shattered it violently. *Nobody would’ve noticed. Nobody noticed your arms. Fucking disgusting. Your Mom would probably be happy to be rid of you. She never really loved you, you know? You could’ve bled out in front of her and she would just have laughed. Stupid weak fucking… * He shook his head, trying to erase the needle sharp voices like an etch-a-sketch. After what felt like hours of standing against the wall with the silent man, Dream foggily heard someone call his name. He looked to the officer who just nodded in the direction of a woman in a white coat and began to walk away, at some point having uncuffed him. He handed Dream his bag and left, not bothering to make sure Dream actually went to the nurse. Unsteadily he walked across the silent room, trying his best to ignore the stares of the other waiting people.   
The woman led him into a small examination room and had him put his bag on the floor. She spared him a small smile and motioned for him to step onto the scale.  
“Can you take your shoes off for me please?” Dream complied “Thank you hun.”  
“Okay let’s have you stand against the tape please? Stand up straight. There you go” she quickly took his height and had him sit down in a plastic chair.   
“Okay I’m going to take your blood pressure and then…” she kept talking as he zoned out.   
Everything was starting to regain clarity, despite static in his ears. His breathing was finally slowing down and he realized that *there's no getting out of this. I’m here. Time to face the music.* Realizing that the nurse was asking him to stand up, he stood and followed her through a labyrinth of hallways into a smaller room, this time with a bed and several large pieces of sleeping medical equipment suspended from the ceiling and mounted on the walls.   
“Okay hun, I’m gonna ask you a bunch of questions now, okay?” she smiles at him.  
“Y-Yeah, okay.” Dream manages, trying to make the crunch of static go down in his ears.  
“Alrighty! …” She begins reading down her sheet, pausing to write his answers down.   
As she writes, his thoughts begin to race anxiously *You fucking nightmare. She pities you, stupid fucking idiot. You should just lie so you can get out of here. You’re better off dead. You don’t fucking deserve help. Wait, what if I have to do an examination? Are they going to try and see my arms? My legs? Shitshitshitshitshit.*  
Having gone through her sheet, the nurse stands up and dials a number into a mounted phone “Okay, the patient in room 306 is ready for blood and urine… okay thanks Cindy… yeah… okay.” she hangs the phone up and looks at me reassuringly.  
“Okay Dream, I’m done with all my questions, someone is going to come in and take some blood and ask you to pee in a cup.” He must have looked put out by that because she said “It’ll be okay. So, when I leave I’ll have you put this gown on” she pulled a gown from one of the unmarked drawers “and then you can press the red button by the sink when you’re done.”  
“Okay, thank you, um, yeah, thanks.” Dream said shakily   
He waited for the door to click shut and jerkily got to his feet. Staring at the white, thin gown he shuddered, there wasn’t any hiding anymore. *They’re gonna see everything Dreamy. All your secrets, gone. You fucking deserve this. Secrets are for people with worth.* His face turned pale as he realized that his thoughts were right, there was no more hiding. Hesitantly he slipped off his shoes and glanced around the room, as if there was going to be someone hidden behind the doctors stool, watching him get undressed. He pulled his hoodie off, wincing as the cold air hit his skin *Why is it always so cold in hospitals? What are they trying to do, freeze the germs?* His skin pricked and he carefully maneuvered his jeans off, careful to not catch the rough fabric on any of the scabs that littered his thighs. *Everyone can see you. Everyone can see you. Everyone can see you. You’re such a fucking disappointment. God, you’re such an attention seeking little bitch. Fucking ruining yourself. For what?* Dream swallowed harshly and snatched the hospital gown from its folded square on the bed. Shoving it over his head he was relieved to find it was long enough to cover his thighs. Out of instinct he rubbed his hands on his forearms, trying to generate some heat and winced, accidentally catching a fresher scab with his fingernail and tearing it off. Blood bubbled to the surface and smeared across his skin as he pulled his hand away, mortified to have forgotten. *You’re so fucking stupid. Look at what you did. They’re going to laugh at you.* and then *I need to find a towel, something, oh, sink. That works.*   
Cleaning himself up the best he could and pressing a scratchy brown paper towel to his arm, Dream pushed the red button and waited. Another woman, this time in Disney patterned scrubs hustled into the room with a cart covered in an array of vials and paperwork.   
“Okay, so, first I’m going to hand you this cup and a couple sanitizing wipes, we don’t need a lot of urine, just to the fill line” she pointed to a raised line “then when you’re done screw the lid on tightly, wipe it off with the wipes and bring it back. Make sure you wash your hands okay?” Her voice was not unkind, just professional and it made Dream feel like a schoolchild.   
“O-Okay, I can do that” he took the cup and wipes from her “where’s the bathroom?”  
She opened the door and pointed down the hall “Down and to the right, if it’s full just wait in line.”   
Dream got up and immediately felt self conscious, praying that nobody pointed out his arms. There, to his relief, wasn’t a line for the bathroom and he followed the tech’s instructions, making sure to run some water over the scab that had opened as well, which was still bleeding moderately. *Shit. Look at you. Maybe its better that you’re here so that nobody will see your face… I do look terrible.* He scanned his reflection and sighed. Without his hoodie Dream could see how skinny he had gotten, shoulders sharp and elbows sharper, the silver, pink and red of his cuts stood starkly out from his pale, taunt skin. *Fuck. Why didn’t I realize there were so fucking many?* Hesitantly he started counting before remembering that he had to be back in the room with his cup full of piss. Hurriedly he washed his hands again and walked back. The tech looked up at him with a neutral expression and gestured to the sink counter “Go ahead and put the cup there.”   
Dream complied and sat back down on the crinkly mattress.   
“I need a couple vials of blood from you, okay?” her voice softened a tad, obviously aware of people’s reaction to blood draws “It’ll be really quick and after that we won’t need anything else from you.” She looked at him and Dream nodded, knowing that he really didn’t have another choice, though he could feel the anxiety rising in him, both from the sight of the needle the tech pulled out and the idea that she would have full sight of his arm. To Dream’s relief, it did go quick and he only felt minorly dizzy. The tech hadn’t brought up his arm, hadn’t even talked at all, instead focusing on filling the three tubes as fast as possible.   
“You did great.” her praise made him feel a tad better about everything, even if only for a second. “Okay, the doctor will be in shortly to talk through what's going on and where you will be going from here, okay?” she didn’t wait for a response before wheeling her cart through the door and disappearing down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, there were some pretty harsh inner thoughts in this one, make sure you're taking care of yourself :)   
> If you have any feed back feel free to leave me a comment, anything constructive or positive is appreciated!


	3. Dr. Arden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF YOUR TRIGGERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting for the doctor, Dream found his eyes getting heavy and soon, was asleep. A loud shriek erupted from somewhere outside of his room and he jolted awake, looking around in desperate confusion. *Where the hell am I?... Oh. Oh yeah. Fuck, how long was I asleep?* His eyes scanned the beige walls, coming up clockless. *Why the actual hell isn’t there a clock in here?* Dream groaned, running his hand tiredly across his face, scrubbing at his eyes before pushing himself out of the uncomfortable hospital bed. He shuffled sleepily to the door, opening it and standing in the doorway awkwardly.  
“Um, hello?” he rasped out, cringing at the way the sleep stuck in his throat.  
A man clad in scrubs looked up from his clipboard and made eye contact with him questioningly “Can I help you?”  
“Y-yeah, um, do you happen to know what time it is? And when the doctor is supposed to be coming?” Dream mentally slammed his head into the wall at how childish he sounded. *Fucking hell, you can’t even sound like an adult. What is WRONG with you? That man is probably disgusted by you.*  
“It is… ten to six…” the man said, looking at his watch.  
“Thank you, um, do, do you know when my doctor will get here?” Dream cringed at how small he sounded.  
The man looked back up at him “Which room are you? I can call and check.”  
“Room… 306, I think?”  
“Okay, I’ll come tell you once I know…”  
“Dream” Dream said, hoping that was what the man was prompting.  
“Okay, thank you, go ahead and go back into your room.”  
Dream sighed shakily and retreated back into the small room. The silence was overwhelming and without his phone, he really had nothing to distract him from the negative thoughts tugging at the back of his conscious. Luckily, a knock came from the door.  
“Come in!” He said  
“Okay, so I called and your doctor should be here in 10 to 15 minutes, so just hang tight.” He looked Dream up and down, not portraying any emotion.  
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Dream said, trying to level his voice as much as possible.  
“No problem, come back out if you need anything.”  
With that the man left, returning Dream to silence with a soft click as the door closed. Dream curled himself into a loose ball on the bed, trying to clear his mind and focus on what the possibilities for him going forward were. *Okay. I need to be rational. Rational. What are my options? They probably aren’t going to send me home. Maybe…? No. They aren’t going to send me home. I look like I went through a shredder, they probably aren’t allowed to send me home.* He let out a small dark chuckle *So, not home…* Before he could try and conjure up an idea of what his future could look like, a knocking came from the door.  
“Hello?” Dream said “Come in.”  
The door opened and an older man with a clipboard walked in. “Hi” He looked at his charts “Dream, how are you?”  
Dream chuckled dryly “Not great sir, I mean, I am here.”  
The doctor laughed politely “That is understandable. I’m Dr. Arden and I believe that we have some things to discuss?”  
“Yes sir, we do.” Dream gulped, suddenly very aware of the chill in the room and the anxiety pooling in his stomach.  
The doctor started off with tame questions about family history, medications, past visits and a quick list of illnesses they might need to know about, but Dream knew that his questions were running out fast and that he would have to ask what Dream dreaded answering.  
“So, why are you here today Dream?” Dr. Arden finally asked, making eye contact with Dream.  
“I-” his mouth went dry. What was he supposed to say? Where was he supposed to start? Dream decided to start at the beginning. “I am here because I told my therapist that I didn’t think I would make it to our next meeting.”  
The doctor kept his face neutral, prompting “I see, can you explain why? It’ll be easier if you start at the very beginning.”  
Dream’s hands had started to shake again. “Okay, the beginning. I’ve been suicidal since the beginning of 6th grade. My parents got divorced and started being emotionally and mentally manipulative and abusive. I lost all my friends, I guess they just moved on from me, greener pastures, you know? The next year I was friendless and started self harming, finding it easier to stay alive when I could feel something, anything.” Dream coughed, trying to suppress the emotion rising in his throat like bile “I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but the therapist I was seeing decided to cut my client-ship after I made her cry. I was alone. I kept self harming, cutting, and isolated myself until my family started to notice. I became attached to some really toxic people around 8th grade, and they only fueled the suicidality, making me feel like a burden, worthless, and above all, they made me aware that I wouldn’t ever be able to change. After that… I don’t know. Things just turned into a cycle of depression, mania, rejection and self hatred. Any time I found friends they turned against me. Any time I put my trust in someone, they betrayed me and found ways to make me feel more worthless than I already did. I’ve attempted multiple times, first the attempts starting out as impulsive hopelessness. I would be walking and jump in front of cars, because what did it really matter. But as time went on I started thinking about it, the easiest, the least painful, the most fatal. Planning took up my spare time; takes up my spare time. It’s hard to walk into a room and not look for the most harmful items.” Dream suddenly became hyper-aware of the tears dripping from his chin and for a second he froze. *Why are you telling them this you stupid fuck, they’re going to lock you up for sure now…* His voice reignited on its own, hard and cold. “Then there’s the thoughts. They started in elementary school, telling me to shove people down the stairs, bite my friends, kill small animals, hurt the ones I loved… from there they only got stronger, more violent, and constant. I… can’t, I can’t talk about them, they scare me. I know that I’m not a bad person, you know? I just can’t make them stop... “ He stopped talking, fully choked by emotion.  
Dream then noticed he was shaking violently, his hands gripping the bed beneath him like if he let go he would drift off into space and never return. He couldn’t bring himself to look Dr. Arden in the eyes.  
“Dream, I know this must be difficult for you, but I do have more questions, do you feel capable of answering?” His voice was unreadable and that made Dream more uneasy than any other emotion would.  
“I- yes. I can answer your questions.” Dream said softly. He had come this far. There was no stopping now.  
“Great, now you spoke of a history of self harm. Judging by the appearance of your arms I feel confident saying that seems to be ongoing.” Dream cringed and curled in on himself slightly, dreading what was coming next. Dr. Arden showed no sign noticing and instead continued. “While this may be uncomfortable for you, I need you to answer truthfully…” he paused, and Dream could feel his eyes burning into the top of his head. “Have you harmed yourself anywhere else?”  
Dream stared numbly at the floor. *What are you gonna do? Not answer him? He’ll know you’re a fucking liar. He’ll know.* Dream glanced desperately at the counter behind the doctor, catching sight of a drawer labeled ‘CLEAN SCALPELS ONLY’. *Do it. Shove past him. He’s so fucking old he won’t be able to stop you. You can end it now. END IT NOW. END IT NOW FUCKING END IT NOW YOU MISERABLE WORTHLESS PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!* Dream closed his eyes as hard as he could and covered his ears, as if that could make the thoughts stop battering the inside of his skull.  
“Dream. DReam! I need you to focus on me. Listen. I know this is hard but in order to get you the help you need I need you to focus.”Dr. Arden said sternly, as if Dream was a tantruming 9 year old in the middle of a grocery store isle.  
“YES, ALRIGHT?! There’s cuts on my thighs. More than my arms.” Dream snapped, instantly feeling guilty for lashing out at a stranger.  
Dr. Arden didn’t look surprised “Thank you for your honesty. Now, this won’t surprise you, or it shouldn’t, but I need to see them, to make sure you aren’t in need of stitches or other medical assistance.”  
Dream silently stood, his body still trembling and slowly lifted his gown. *WHY AM I NOT FIGHTING THIS?!* The pale flesh of his thighs was marred, hardly any untouched skin showing around the thousands of cuts, old, healing and fresh. The neat rows of gashes that usually filled Dream with pride now made him want to collapse in on himself and fully disappear. For the first time in his interaction with Dr. Arden, he showed emotion.  
Shock bloomed across the doctor’s features, eating a hole through Dream.  
Dr. Arden leveled his expression “ This is more severe than I thought. Please lay down so I can tend to the more concerning wounds.”  
He turned and quickly sorted through his drawers, pulling out antiseptic, gauze and bandages.  
Dream obeyed silently, laying on his back uncomfortably, locking his eyes on the ceiling. *I can do this. I’m okay. I’m getting help, right? Right?* The sting of the antiseptic brought tears to his sore eyes and he swore under his breath  
“Fuck man”  
“I apologize Dream. Can you lift your thighs for me? I need to wrap the bandage.”  
Dream complied, wincing at the pressure on his wounds.  
“Thank you. I’m going to have you sit up now…” Dream looked down at his wrapped thighs, desperately wishing he could see the marks instead. “You can pull your gown down, and then if you would hold your arms out, thank you”  
Dr. Arden applied the antiseptic to his arms as well, before wrapping them tightly.  
“I have more questions, but at this point, I believe they would be better asked elsewhere. I am going to make some calls. You will not be returning home tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that you are so loved and appreciated and I hope that you take some time to do something nice for yourself today<3 be safe  
> oh, also idk if its clear or not but the * signal internal thoughts so... yeah


	4. Transport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short, sorry, I genuinely haven't been able to focus lmao. Anyways, TRIGGER WARNING FOR DEREALIZATION AND NEGATIVE THINKING :) stay safe and also listen to carpetgarden  
> EDIT: I added onto this chapter:) it should be a better length now

Dream looked at the doctor with tired eyes. *What did you expect you stupid fuck? Fucked up idiots don’t get to go home. You’ll never go home.”  
“I- I guess I didn’t expect to be going home…” He trailed off somberly. “I, I really didn’t.”  
Dr. Arden seemed to have not heard him, standing with his back to Dream listening intently to the phone ring.  
“Hello? Hi, yeah, this is St. James, Dr. Arden speaking. I have a patient who needs immediate intake and housing… no, no overdose… he was sent here by a therapist… yes… yes, I see. Okay, thank you…” He scribbled something down onto his clipboard. “Okay. I’ll make sure that happens. Thank you Charlie.”  
The phone settled back into it’s spot on the wall and Dr. Arden turned back towards Dream, frowning at the scrawl on his board.  
“Okay Dream, thankfully there was a discharge earlier today at Shane Psychiactric Ward. They have a bed available and are willing to admit you tonight. How does that sound?”  
Dream looked at him, carefully thinking through the information. *I don’t have any other options at this point. No place to go. I can’t stay in the ER, I can’t go home… I… I have to agree. Fuck. I’m not fucking ready. Nothing will ever be the same. What if they never let me out?* He wrapped his arms tightly around his torso, trying to curb the panicked shaking that had begun. Dream couldn’t believe that this was real, happening. It felt like some kind of sick nightmare that he couldn’t wake from, no matter how desperately he tried. Rational thinking was creeping towards an open window in his mind.  
“That, that sounds fine. Um, where, where is it? Shane…?” Dream forced out, trying to mask the creeping inability to function.  
“The facility isn’t too far from here. It shouldn’t be more than a 5 minute drive, actually. They are sending transportation over as we speak; do you have the things you brought with you?” Dr. Arden seemed almost relieved to be so close to done with interacting with Dream that Dream felt a cold pain race through his stomach, stabbing through his heart. He winced and nodded, heaving off of the bed and shuffling over to his grocery bag haphazardly stuffed with his belongings.  
“Good, I’m going to have you change back into your clothes. Just set the gown on the bed when you’re finished and someone will be back in to take you to the transport when it arrives.” Dream nodded in response and Dr. Arden left, not bothering to attempt a goodbye.  
Dream pulled the gown off and hurriedly yanked his clothes back on, struggling to pull his pants over the thick bandages on his thighs. He folded the thin gown and put it at the end of the bed, choosing to stand and sway anxiously against the wall instead of sitting back down. The silence shoved into his brain and gnawed away at his last bits of sanity. *I hope I’ll be okay… You will, you’re too far gone for things to possibly get worse.* Dream found himself counting seconds, anything to keep the panic from becoming debilitating. Thankfully, knocking came from the faux wood door.  
“Yeah, come in.” Dream raised his voice, praying the anxiety wasn’t evident.  
A tall lanky man opened the door “Dream Wastaken?”  
“Thats me,,, y-yeah.” *fuck* he cursed in his head, *Just fucking calm down.*  
“Okay, great! I’m Dawson, I’ll be your transport for today. Grab your stuff and come with me.” Dawson’s tone was light, which after the emotionless state of Dr. Arden, Dream appreciated.  
He grabbed the bag off of the stained linoleum and followed Dawson through the halls, trying to keep up with the lanky man’s long strides. *This is happening. Fuck.* Dream took a deep breath. *Maybe I’ll finally be able to get some help? I-* the bitter voice filled his head, drowning any rationality that may have been there *You don’t fucking deserve help you pathetic fucking bitch. Look at you! You’re so fucking weak. If you were stronger you would’ve just fucking killed yourself when you had the chance. BUT NO! YOU’RE WASTING EVERYONE’S FUCKING TIME! YOU THINK ANYONE WANTS YOU HERE? NO. Nobody will ever fucking want you here…*  
“Ream… DREam? Hey, man, you stopped walking. Listen, I’m not a therapist or anything but it’s my job to make sure you stay safe. What’s going on? Dream. You have to focus. Can you count with me?” Dawson’s voice cut through his thoughts.  
Dream was trembling violently, stopped in the middle of a beige hallway. *Nothing feels real… am I even real? Fuck. I don’t deserve this. I’m a waste of space. Do I even fucking exist?*  
“I- I, I. none of this is fucking real! What’s the fucking point? What,,, what’s the point.” His voice was barely a whisper “I should’ve died when I had the chance…”  
Dawson must have heard him and sighed “ Dream. You are real. Okay? All of this around you is real. Now, what I need you to do is count with me okay? I just need you to focus on my voice…” He waited for a nod, something to show Dream had heard. Dream nodded slightly and tilted his head up to try and show that he was listening. “Okay, take a deep breath for me and 1… 2… 3…”  
Dream followed along, quietly counting and feeling himself slowly connect back with reality; the sensation of the cold floor against his palms, the slight tremors wracking his shoulders, the wall behind his head. Somehow he had ended up on the floor, but Dream was grateful for the support against his weak spine.  
“You’re doing great” Dawson’s voice sounded solid now, less garbled and distant “Okay. Do you feel safe standing up? I promise I’ve got you, okay? But we need to get you to somewhere that you’ll be safe. Plus” his tone turned slightly humorous “the floor probably has the next supervirus on it; you know you can’t trust hospital floors.”  
Dream managed a weak smile and took Dawson’s outstretched hand. “T-thank you.”  
“No problem. Okay, walk with me.”  
He followed Dawson out into the waiting bay, habitually scanning the faces of those waiting. The transportation turned out to be an ambulance, and Dream felt himself flushing with embarrassment, stepping into the back. (I personally didn’t ride in an ambulance so like, I’m not gonna write it super detailed and risk messing up.)  
Dream stared at the floor, the lack of windows making him slightly nauseous. The ambulance came to a stop and the doors opened, Dawson appearing to help Dream out. He escorted him into a glass walled waiting room and gestured to a bench. Dream sat down and watched apprehensively as Dawson dialed a number on a black wall phone mounted on a pillar. Through the glass, Dream could see into the building, watching people come and go.  
“... yeah, we are in the waiting room… mhm… okay, thank you” The phone hung up with a soft click and Dawson came to stand by Dream. “Janet, she does admissions, she’s coming to get you, okay? Take a deep breath. Everything will be okay.”  
Dream nodded and inhaled deeply. *I hope I won’t regret this.* True to Dawson’s word, Janet came to the door and unlocked it, ushering Dream inside and thanking Dawson. Dream smiled at him before turning to Janet. She adjusted the papers on her clipboard and smiled at him “ Hi Dream. I’m Janet. I have the not very fun job of asking you a million questions.” Dream chuckled lightly and nodded. “So, if you’ll just follow me, let’s get started shall we?” She turned and Dream followed, letting his eyes wander to the walls, which were a pleasant shade of cream and tastefully decorated with generic ‘calming’ pictures of scenery. The carpet was worn, though decently clean and a shade of depressing grey-blue. “Right here, if you will, there you go.” Janet stopped at one of the many doors crammed into the small corridor they were in and opened it, holding it for Dream. “So, first, I’m going to have you fill out these forms. The first one…” she handed him a white sheet of paper “Is telling you your patient rights and acknowledging that while you are here involuntarily, you are not a ward of the state and you do have the right to leave at any time against medical advice, and in the case of this, it releases the hospital from consequences regarding said departure. I’ll get you a pen, you’ll need to sign and date at the bottom.” Janet walked behind her desk and began rummaging through drawers. “Ah, here we go. Okay, now, this second form is just giving us basic information about you, for the medication section…” she flipped the pink form over “if you don’t know exact names, just guess. I guarantee that we will be able to figure it out. Please put down exact doses and time of day.” Dream nodded, slightly overwhelmed by the amount of information. “This final form is a chance for you to tell us any overlying concerns you may have, along with triggers and coping skills. This will stay private, only being shared with your therapist and your doctor, so please be as honest and thorough as possible.” Dream nodded again and Janet smiled at him “great, don’t feel rushed and if you have any questions just ask.” Dream began filling out the paperwork robotically, trying to be honest with the paper, and himself. *There really is no reason to lie, you know?* With a sigh, he put his pen down. “I’m finished.” Janet looked up from her computer “Wonderful! Okay, now comes the more intense bit. Now through this, these questions may make you uncomfortable, but please do your best to answer them. This helps us analyze what you’ll need in your stay here. Are you ready?” “Ready as I’ll ever be I guess, you know?” Dream was trying for humor, but the fear in his voice made it shake. “Okay dear…” What felt like hours later, Dream had told Janet his entire life story, which was liberating, but in the same sense, it felt as if he had just run a marathon. “You did great Dream, this will be the last part and then I will walk you down to the unit.” Janet smiled kindly “I’m going to have you stand against this measuring tape, okay? Back straight for me, very nice. Okay, slip your shoes off for me and lets get your weight.” Dream felt anxiety spark in his stomach at the thought of stepping on the scale. Unbeknownst to those around him, he was ridiculously insecure. The first time he had been bullied about his weight was in 6th grade, and though he had grown into it, the pudgy-faced kid still ghosted in the mirror. Though he knew it was normal for taller people to weigh more, he found himself obsessing over numbers, pinching his sides and arms after showers and wishing he was thinner. Jessie had made him throw his scale away after a particularly intense session, and the prospect of knowing his weight now made him nauseous. Shoving it down, he stepped onto the black square, watching the red numbers climb, each upward tick making the nausea climb his throat. 177.2 pounds. Acid stung at the back of Dream’s throat and he stepped off of the scale hurriedly. *Look at you Dreamie, fucking fatass. Just another reason you should have fucking offed yourself…* The words stung but he shook his head, trying to focus on what Janet was instructing him to do. “... on the table here and I’ll get your blood pressure and stuff, alright?” Janet couldn’t see his nod, as her back was turned to him, readying the various instruments. “Okay hun, you’re all done here. I’m going to put your shoes and bag into this cart here and we will walk you to the unit. It’s right about evening meeting time, so there shouldn’t be too much chaos.” She bustled him out of the room, shutting the door and using the card on her lanyard to open a set of double doors at the end of the hallway. Dream trailed after her, exhausted and emotionally charged at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! The fact anyone has read this astounds me! stay safe friends<3


	5. Dude the first day is finally over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty tame lmao. I know that usually adults and kids aren't together, whatever man, I have plans lmao.   
> Anyways, Thank you so much for reading! Don't forget to take care of yourself today. Even if you don't have a valentines date, you are loved and I hope you are able to enjoy yourself.

They passed through so many sets of double doors that Dream lost count, the beeping of the card reader lulling him and giving him something to focus on. The last set of doors had flyers taped to the outside, announcing to anyone entering that someone was on ‘elopement risk’, whatever that was, and to watch out for a bright green shirt.   
“Alrighty! This is the door to the unit. Let’s take a deep breath really quickly, okay? I understand that this is probably nerve wracking.”   
Dream complied, shakily letting out his breath. “Thank you.”   
“Of course dear, are you ready for this?”   
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”  
Dream hesitantly walked through the open door, flinching slightly as it banged shut behind him. The hallway they stepped into was darkened, the overhead lights dimmed. He passed several doors, a few open, revealing mussed sheets and strewn personal belongings. *I, I’m really here. Shit man. I have to sleep here. I will wake up here tomorrow.* Janet beeped open a door to a window enclosed room and nodded towards the wall across from it “Go ahead and stand right there for me while I get someone to do you body check.” She closed the door and Dream was alone. Once again he felt like a scared child, genuinely helpless and surrounded by strangers. He could see Janet talking to two people in blue scrubs. Then, a woman, not much older than him, came out of the room with a clipboard and smiled at him.   
“Are you new?” Dream nodded slightly “Well welcome, I’m Chloe, I’m one of the MHTs, we help you guys with everyday stuff, kinda like over glorified babysitters.” She laughed and Dream couldn’t help but smile.   
She walked away, presumably to where the other patients were, and Dream returned to staring at the dark blue carpet. The door beeped open again and two men walked out.  
“Hey Dream, we are going to go do a body check okay? Follow me please.” The, Dream assumed, doctor said, beeping open a door and holding it open.   
Dream walked through, followed by the other man, who was wearing maroon. They all went into a glaringly bright bathroom and the doctor pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen.   
“Okay, so, Josh, do you wanna write or instruct?”  
The man in maroon, Josh, spoke, his voice surprisingly higher than Dreams “I’ll write, I’ve been working on the right and left thing.” His voice was humorous and Dream assumed that there was some sort of inside joke.   
“Okay, so Dream, basically we just have to check that, A you don’t have any hidden weapons or contraband, and B any physical features that could possibly be a problem later on.” he paused looking at Josh “Pants or shirt first?”   
“Lets do shirt so we can do arms. Work from top to bottom.”   
“Sounds good. Kay, Dream, can I have you take your shirt off for me? You’ll be able to put it back on directly after this.”   
Dream nodded shakily and pulled his hoodie off. Goosebumps pricked his skin and he could feel his breathing speed up.   
“Okay, so Josh, hands, scaring on the top of both, arms from wrist to above elbow are covered in bandages, light scaring on the left shoulder, birth mark…?” The doctor looked questionably at Dream and Dream nodded “on his stomach, lower right. Kay Dream, go ahead and turn around for me. Acne scarring on upper back… Looks like that’s about it.”   
Josh nodded “Which side was the birthmark?”  
“Lower right”  
“Okay sounds good, Dream, what are the bandages for? So we won’t be completely blindsided when we have to remove them.”   
Dream looked at the floor in shame “Self harm.”   
“Okay, thanks man. You can put your shirt back on.”   
Dream shoved his hoodie over his head and crossed his arms, feeling more vulnerable than he had in years.  
Josh finished writing and looked at the doctor. “Kay.”  
“Okay Dream, if you’ll take your pants off, please leave your underwear on.”   
Josh and the doctor repeated the process “... okay lift up your leg for me, just so I can see your foot. Is that a tattoo on your ankle?”  
“Yeah, it’s a shark.” Dream blushed, embarrassed.   
“Okay, great thanks.”  
A few more minutes of feeling like a zoo animal later, Dream was allowed to put his pants back on and the three men exited back to the common area. Dream stood against the wall again, trying to shove down any feelings of helplessness, desperately aware that he needed to keep his guard up. Somewhere behind the glass box room, laughter and muffled conversations became louder and other patients came around the corner, talking loudly about “…Charlie’s face holy fuck man!”   
Dream shrunk into himself and tried to manifest invisibility, not particularly ready to socialize. Unfortunately it didn’t work.  
“HEY! Guys look, a newbie!”  
“Dude shut the fuck up you’re so loud, he looks fucking truamatized.”  
“Fuck off!”   
“Language Shlatt, for muffin’s sake!”  
The loud man, Shlatt, walked up to Dream “Hey man, what’s up? What’s your name?”  
“Um… d, Dream” Dream cringed as he stuttered. *You stupid fuckup! Fuck! Just fucking act normal! For once in your life, act normal*   
“Dream, sounds like a pussy name, well, you look cool enough I guess, they already check you?” Shlatt’s voice was loud and demasculinizing, like he knew he was more of a man than anyone else here, and there wasn’t shit you could do about it.   
“Yeah… most awkward moment of my life…” Dream forced a weak chuckle.   
“Tell me about it, they didn’t tell me I didn’t need to take my fucking underwear off, imagine my fucking suprise when they almost tranquilized me!” He let out a laugh “well, whenever you wanna stop standing on the wall, we don’t bite… well, actually, Tommy might…”   
“HEY YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”   
Shlatt laughed and Dream couldn’t help but laugh with him, relieved at the distraction.  
“Shlatt, go sit down please.” The girl from earlier, Chloe, said, pointing to a cluster of odd shaped blue chairs.   
With a roll of his eyes Shlatt turned and sat in a chair, pouting childishly at Chloe.   
“Hey, Dream, so we need you to help us with getting your stuff checked in okay? Come stand at the window.” Chloe pointed at a small opening in the glass.   
Dream walked over to the window, aware of the several sets of eyes trained on his back.   
“Hey man” Josh greeted him “So, we have a no strings policy here, we just need permission to take the strings out of… pretty much all your clothing. I can put the ones that don’t need to be cut in a bag for you to take home, but they all have to come out, otherwise you can’t have the clothing.”  
Dream furrowed his eyebrows “I, I guess try and get as many out without cutting them as you can,,, but otherwise, I guess it’s what you have to do.”  
“Great, also, if you want you can go sit down with everyone…” Josh trailed off as another person in a maroon jacket started talking to him.  
Dream figured that was his cue to leave and turned, finding an open seat in the back of the room and sitting down apprehensively. Chloe was clicking through Netflix, trying to get a popular vote for a movie.  
“Shlatt, Minx, we can’t watch R. You know this.”  
“If the fucking kids weren’t here we probably could.” Minx said to Shlatt, raising her voice so whoever she was talking about could hear her.   
“No Minx, even if there weren’t kids, R movies are banned in the hospital. Stop being petty for godsake.” Chloe shook her head and continued scrolling.   
After settling on, of all things, Ratatouille, everyone quieted down. Dream stared at his hands, not really feeling up for watching animated talking rats. He didn’t look up when someone came and sat next to him, willing them to just leave him alone.   
“Hey…”   
*God fucking damnit.*   
“Um, you looked kinda alone. Y-you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, but yeah, um, I’m new too…” the voice was young and timid.   
Dream looked up from his hands and was surprised to have to look farther upward, finally finding the eyes of the stranger next to him.   
“You’re really fucking tall…” Dream blurted before he could stop himself. He wasn’t used to not being the tallest in the room, but the man, kid (?) sitting next to him had a good 4 or 5 inches on him.   
Thankfully though the figure laughed “Yeah, I get that a lot… Um, I’m Ranboo.” he offered his hand, which Dream shook.   
“I’m Dream.”  
“Cool… um, out of curiosity, how old are you?” Ranboo obviously wasn’t very comfortable with socializing.   
“Um, I’m 21… what about you?   
“I’m 17.”   
Dream let out a surprised laugh. “So there actually are kids here?!”  
“Yeah… apparently we wouldn’t usually be here but because our unit kinda, um, burned? I guess we are here.”   
“Jesus, okay, well pog I guess.”  
The two sat in companionable silence until it was announced that ‘hallway time’ was starting and the movie was clicked off.  
“Well, goodnight Dream… thanks for letting me sit with you.” Ranboo stood up and walked into a door-lined hallway. “Can someone open my door and the bathroom for me?”   
Dream walked up to the window and leaned down to talk through the opening “ Hey, um, what am I supposed to be doing?”   
A middle aged man in maroon stood up “I’ve got it” he beeped the door open “Dream right?”   
“Yeah… um, I don’t know what hallway time is.” Dream said, slightly embarrassed.   
“No problem. I’m Philza by the way. So, basically hallway time means that you sit in front of your door or in your room, but you can still talk to the people in your hallway, until room time at least, because then everyone has to be in their rooms.” He glanced at Dream’s hand “What band are you?”   
Dream looked at him, confused “What’s a band?”   
“Damn, I’ll go ask them for yours, basically a band shows what privileges you get, I’m sure someone will explain it better tomorrow.”  
Philza walked back into the staff area and came out with a red paper bracelet, similar to one you would get at a fair.   
“You’re going to be on red band. Essentially what this means is you have to wait for someone to be watching cameras before you can go in your room, and someone has to stand outside the bathroom while you use it, or when you shower.” He attached the bracelet to Dream’s wrist. “Your room is this one, he unlocked the door adjacent to the staff room and turned the light on. “I think that your stuff is still in the wash, but someone will bring it to you when it’s done. You can sit in your room if you want, someone is already on cameras.”  
Dream nodded “Okay, thank you Philza.”   
“Night Dream.”  
Dream walked into the small room and a wave of exhaustion hit him. He curled up on the bed and found himself slipping quickly into unconsciousness. He was asleep before his laundry was done.


	6. Panic in the MPR (I'm not funny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HUGE FUCKING TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY BLOOD, VOMIT, PANIC ATTACKS, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS OR THE LIKE. THIS IS BASICALLY JUST ANGST I'M SO SORRY BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE SAFE!!!!!!

Dream woke up abruptly to a knocking on his door. *Why is someone outside my bedroom? How did they get into my house…* He opened his eyes, straining to see in the dark. *This isn’t my room… oh. Oh yeah. fuck.*   
“Hello?” He called hoarsely, trying to direct his voice towards the door.   
“Dream, it’s about time for breakfast. If you want to get changed before that you better hurry.” a masculine voice called.  
“I do want to change, I’ll be out in a second!” Dream stumbled out of bed and found that, to his relief, his laundry was here.   
Clothes in hand he opened his door and almost collided with a slightly shorter bald man with tattoos covering his forearms.   
“Jeez man, trying to kill me already?” The man laughed  
“N-no, I’m sorry, um, I have my clothes, can you unlock the bathroom?” *thats what I’m supposed to say, right? I think that’s what Ranboo said last night…*   
“Yeah, what band are you?” The man looked at Dreams sweater paws and Dream flushed in embarrassment  
“Um” he rolled his sleeve up “Red?”   
The man nodded and unlocked the bathroom “Keep the door cracked and count, okay?”   
“I- uh, okay” Dream slanted the door almost shut and began counting as he pulled his clothes off. The cold air hit his sleep-warm skin and he shivered violently *Shit these bathrooms are so fucking cold what the hell* “I’m done… I don’t want to hit you with the door again.” Dream laughed awkwardly   
“Alright man, breakfast just got here so go take a seat in the MPR; unless you have morning meds.” He turned and walked away, leaving Dream standing awkwardly with his dirty clothes in the middle of the hallway.   
*shit, am I supposed to take my meds in the morning? I can’t remember. I don’t know where to even check! What the fuck is an MPR? I’m so confused* Dream felt himself begin to tear up *fuck! You’re so fucking pathetic, crying because you’re lost. What a fucking baby. Too bad your Mommy can’t be here. Not that she would want to though. You disgust her.* the tears welling in his eyes began to flow down his cheeks.   
“Excuse me… um, you’re in the middle of the hallway, and um, can you move so I can get to breakfast?”   
Dream jumped “f-fuck, I’m so sorry, um, yeah, sorry!”   
A kid about the same height as him stood slightly to his left, rubbing his eyes tiredly.   
He nodded “It’s fine dude, you’re new right? Dream is it?”  
Dream nodded “Yeah, what’s your name?”   
“Tommy. Anyways, I’m going to breakfast.” He walked away and disappeared around the corner.   
Dream set his clothes down in front of his door, having tried the handle and finding it locked. He wandered in the direction that Tommy had gone, rubbing his eyes of sleep and hoping to see someone in maroon to tell him where to go. He turned the corner and saw Ranboo standing at an open door talking animatedly.  
“Hey man!” Ranboo turned to look at him, smiling widely   
“Good morning, is this, where you get meds?”  
“It sure is! I was just telling the nurse about the dream I had last night but I can definitely do that later; by Tami!” Ranboo grinned at Dream and knocked on a set of double doors.  
“Hi, um, I don’t know if I have morning meds or not…”   
The nurse, who Ranboo had referred to as Tami smiled kindly at him “That is a okay, let me just check here, what’s your name honey?”   
“Dream…”  
“Okay, and date of birth?”   
“Uh…” *wait when was I born… oh yeah!* “ 8/12/99”  
“Thank you so much… lets see here… I looks like you do have some morning meds! Lets get those to you before everyone else eats all the breakfast!”  
Dream took his meds and knocked on the double doors, opening them when he heard a beep from the other side. He walked in and was hit by a wall of noise. Overlapping conversations blasted his ears and he started to feel the panic welling up. He couldn’t move, his muscles frozen in place as the noise assaulted his ears. Dream couldn’t hear his thoughts, though that may have been a good thing. The noise began to become static and he vaguely recognized his voice asking, pleading to be let out. Nothing was real except for the panic he was feeling. A beep barely managed to break through the static and he shoved his way out of the room. He ran down the hall and curled up in a corner, shoulders shaking as he sobbed. The static gave way to his thoughts and he curled in further on himself *YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS FUCK! EVERYBODY JUST SAW YOU FUCKING FREAK! YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING LOSER! GOD! YOU DESERVE TO FUCKING HURT. TO FUCKING BLEED! WORTHLESS USELESS FUCKING BITCH! W O R T H L E S S!* Dream’s thoughts were silenced by a sharp pang of pain that spiderwebbed its way up his arm. He had torn the bandages off of his right arm and was frantically scratching at it, peeling away scabs and smearing blood. The pain was like a tranquilizer and suddenly he could breathe again. The panic began to settle in his stomach, which only made him nauseous. The pounding blood in his ears steadily got quieter and he could hear the panicked voices of several people.   
“... Dream, it’s okay. You’re safe alright? Can you hear me? I need you to give me some sign that you can hear me. Dream…”  
Dream looked up through blurry vision and tried to open his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Bile was rising in his throat. He couldn’t do anything but throw up. There was barely anything in his stomach and the acid burned his throat and dry lips. Dream heaved until he couldn’t and began to sway where he was sitting. Everything faded out and he was unconscious.   
It only lasted a couple seconds, but that was enough for him to wake up being supported by two staff who were trying in vain to get him onto a chair. Dream could barely open his eyes, and he regretted when he finally was able to. Patients were watching him from cracks in their doors; their eyes wide, conveying confusion or fear. Doctors and staff were surrounding him, some trying to get him moved from the hallway while others were shouting orders at other staff or the patients.   
Dream opened his mouth and let out a piteous whimper, alerting those trying to move him that he was awake and it hurt, everything fucking hurt. The man from earlier in the morning and a tall woman he had never seen before stepped away from him, the woman kneeling down to his level on the floor.  
“Hey, Dream, can you help us? We just need to get you out of the common area. Do you think you can stand for me?”  
Dream nodded weakly and took her hand, struggling to his feet. His legs felt as if they were made of jello and the room was spinning. *I just want to lay down. It hurts. Everything hurts! Why is there blood, why am I bleeding? Fuck everything fucking hurts* Nothing else mattered in that moment but pain. His head was pounding and he could feel his heartbeat in his forearm as blood steadily dripped down his arm and collected in the torn bandages that were bunched at his wrist. His stomach hurt and his throat was on fire. Distantly he could tell that he was being sat down and someone was talking to him, but he couldn’t understand them. His arm was lifted up and he instinctively jerked it from the blurred figure’s grasp, cradling it to his chest. The blood began to seep onto his hoodie. The figure gently took his arm again and held it firmly when Dream tried to take it back, handing his wrist to someone else as they began to unwrap the soaked and torn bandages and soak up the slowly drying blood with a wet cloth. The sting of the antiseptic made him flinch and he looked blankly at his newly mummified arm. The strangers in the room let him lay back on whatever he was sitting on and he drifted off to sleep, exhausted and aching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you are taking care of yourself<3 please be careful with your psyche. I'm sorry its been a while since I updated but I've been kinda lost in the sauce if you know what I mean


	7. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shouldn't be too bad, sorry for the slow update speed, life has been super busy:)

*Everything hurts. Fuck everything hurts.* Dream woke up with a groan, prying open his swollen eyes. He wasn’t in his room, but instead laying on a clammy plastic mattress covered in a thin, sweat soaked sheet of paper. He tried to sit up, a feeling of nausea slamming him back down. *Being topped by nausea… a fucking great way to start the… day? What time even is it?* A movement from behind him made him jump.  
“Dream? Are you up?” The nurse walked from her seat behind the bed and into his limited line of vision  
“Y…” Dream coughed harshly, his throat sore and painful “yeah, I’m up.”   
“I’m going to give you some water okay? Unfortunately we have to put you on further precautions so after you drink some water we are going to go back to your room.” She sounded tired and bored.  
Dream felt a pang of guilt run through him at her tone. *You’re a fucking burden. She doesn’t want to be here watching you. Nobody should be watching you. What are you, a fucking child?* He took a small paper cup of water from the nurse’s hands and downed it, grateful for the lukewarm water on his burning throat.   
“Follow me please.” Her nametag said Susan next to a pixelated version of her face, smiling widely. Now she just looked tired, of life, her job, everything.   
They walked through the common area and Dream could feel everyone staring at him. He dropped his eyes to the floor and pulled his arms in tighter to his body. *Everyone watched you fall apart. They all know everything. They know everything. They hate you for what you are; a freak.* The nurse unlocked his room and Dream rushed in, trying to get rid of the feeling of his peers eyes.   
“So, we had to put you on higher level precautions. We are going to lock your long sleeve shirts away for now so we can monitor your bandages, you also unfortunately have lost bedding privileges, so these” she gestured at his bed, which was now rid of sheets and blankets, replaced instead by a plastic-y pillow and a stiff blanket “will substitute until the nurses deem you safe enough to have your regular bedding back.”  
Dream felt tears welling in his eyes, betraying the blank mask he had plastered on. *I’ve lost all control*  
“Wait, did you say… did you say I’m losing my hoodies?” He felt his stomach drop  
“Unfortunately, yes, the nurses have decided that your bandages need to be monitored more closely and they cannot do that when they are constantly covered. Surely you understand.”  
*No. I don’t fucking understand Susan!*   
“I- I need my hoodies though… I…” Emotion balled in his throat, effectively choking him  
“There’s nothing I can do. I am going to need you to change though.” She looked at him and Dream couldn’t stop himself from letting out a choked sob as he began to cry.   
“How old are you again? Pull yourself together. I need you to grab a t-shirt and I’ll open your bathroom.”   
*Listen to her! She thinks you’re fucking disgusting! A twenty-fucking-one year old man crying like a little fucking bitch about losing a hoodie. Pull yourself together. Jesus fucking christ* Dream felt the raw emotion burn its way down his throat, holing itself up in his chest, acid reflux to feeling. *She’s right. I need to get it together. Fuck. I’ve gone too fucking far into this. They’re never going to let me out.* He let his face go blank, embracing numbness as he followed her out of his room.  
Staring in the funhouse-esqe mirror of the claustrophobic bathroom he let himself sink fully into a familiar sense of nothingness. Jessie had told him that ‘embracing the void’ (quoting him to him was her favorite thing) wasn’t the proper way to deal with the overwhelming tizzy of emotions that he felt, but Dream was perfectly content feeling absolutely nothing until he couldn’t anymore. He yanked his hoodie off and pulled the thin cotton t-shirt on. *I don’t have control. Nothing really matters, does it?* He walked out of the bathroom and plopped the hoodie at Susan’s feet, staring her down with *hopefully* no trace of emotion. She just pursed her lips in irritation and picked the bright green fabric up.   
“Please go to the common area. I suggest you are present for group” and she walked away.  
Dream watched her walk away before robotically making his way to the common area, choosing to in a far corner, observing rather than participating in whatever ‘team building’ exercise they were doing.   
“Dream! It’s so great of you to join us!” the group leader noticed him and flashed him a wide artificial smile “why don’t you come over and we can teach you the rules?”   
The way she phrased her sentence made Dream think it probably wasn’t a question or suggestion, and rather a direct request, but he still shook his head. There was a beach ball and some paper cups and as he made hesitant eye contact with Ranboo, Ranboo made a gagging face and mimed dying.   
“I don’t think I will. Sorry. Looks fuckin boring.” On a normal day, Dream would’ve felt remorse for his harsh tone, but not today, and never here.   
She looked slightly irritated but nodded and turned back to the rest of the group who, collectively, looked amused at her annoyance. Dream rested his head on the wall next to his chair and let his eyes slip shut. *This place is so fucking stupid. If I had just fucking kept my mouth shut I could be at home with Patches right now… fuck. Patches.* Thinking about her made his heart hurt, a slight pang of regret and guilt in the comfort of the void.   
Dream was jolted from his nap by Ranboo’s surprisingly deep voice “Dude, it’s lunch, uh, and the nurses said you gotta eat…” He trailed off.  
“Uhhhhhnng, okay man, thanks.” Dream stood up, stretching and followed Ranboo towards the MPR.   
*hey um what the fuck do I think I’m doing?* Dream jolted out of his sleepy stupor *the last fucking time I went in there,,, I. No. I’m not going in that fucking room.* He stopped in front of the doors.  
“Ranboo, man, can I stick with you?”   
Ranboo looked surprised but nodded, and they walked into the noise together. Dream tried to sink into the numb, forcing himself to stand up straight and follow the kid across the room.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you are feeling okay today, be safe, drink some water, go outside for a little and remember that you are so very loved :)


End file.
